Parents are the world to us when we are first born. We would have never learn anything and would not be who we are today without them.
We always look for support and guidance from our parents. So, they are supposed to keep us feel safe all the time and make sure that we follow their rules. But, as humans, we all can make mistakes at any time.
We always think our parents not only as ‘just humans’. They are more than that for us. Our parents are our creators, guardians, protectors. As we all think they are Gods and Goddesses to us, they can do anything for us.
What a parent does and the way they do becomes an integral part of a child’s psyche. The way the parents speak to their children becomes their inner voice and by that children understand what’s right or wrong.
They’ll behave as same as the way you did when they become adult. If you are always angry and cold towards your children, they will surely do them later on. We all make mistakes and here are some ways to correct it if you are making one now.
We don’t want our children to have an inner voice that insults them. If you treat the child with friendly and motivating, they will take it as their inner voice. This way is more efficient than having an inner voice that makes them feel worthless.
No matter how mad you are or what they have done the phrases below are ones you should NEVER say to your children,
1 “I do everything for you!”
You should do everything for them as this is your child. Though you do everything for them, don’t use that against them. You should also remember that they didn’t choose to be born. If you have ever said this to your child, you should be ashamed of yourself. You are the one who has to take care of them and do everything for them. So, don’t use it.
2 “Big boys/girls don’t get scared.”
By saying this doesn’t protect your child in any way. They are too scared. Only because of telling them not to be afraid, you cannot stop their fear. Even you get scared sometimes. You should teach them to face fears instead of running away from them.
You can use something like, “It is okay to be scared, everyone gets scared sometimes, but I know something that will help.”
3 “Stop crying right now.”
Don’t make your child feel stupid for crying and for not being able to stop, even if the child is crying for no reason. They cry as they cannot control their emotions. Just let them allow feeling what they are feeling. If you try to stop them crying, they will think that it’s not good to have emotions. They will start to suppress things if you tell this.
You can say something like this in such situations. “It’s okay to cry but you still need to understand what you did was wrong.”
4 “I am disappointed in you.”
When parents are in trouble and depressed, they use this phrase for their children. Don’t make them feel that you’re disappointed of them. When your child does something wrong, help them find the correct way.
“What you did was wrong, let’s talk this over okay?” This is the best way to help them.
5 “You are not (something) enough.”
It will hurt them mentally or physically if you tell them that something is lacking in them. You may not specifically say it, but you are implying it. This will make your child feel not good enough.
If you use that phrase, stop it and try something like this. “You are [something] enough; we can work harder at it.”
6 “You are worthless.”
You should never ever say this to your child. They are always seeking your approval, so don’t make them feel afraid of what you might think of them. You are making them set out on a journey seeking approval from wherever they can get it if you say this.
Try something like, “No one is a perfect sweetie, you will do better next time.”
7 “You are a bad kid.”
You should never make them feel that they are bad. This is also word rotten. They may have only done a one wrong, but you shouldn’t negatively think of your child as a whole. So, you can use something like this, “What you did was bad.”
8 “You’re fat.”
You should never use this phrase to your child as this will make your child feel down. If your child is fat, don’t remind it every time, they know that they’re fat.
At school also they may be hearing it many times. So, you have to make home a safe place. Say something like this to your kid, “I’m thinking about getting into shape and being healthy, do you want to give it a try with me? I don’t want to do it alone.”
You should be careful about what you say to your children. Children are the one who is going to take care of you once you get old. You won’t have much of a caregiver when you get old if they grow up hating who they are and how you treated them.
You should love your children for who they are and encourage them to be much better rather than tearing them down.