Here is a beautiful marriage advice by a newly-divorced man who wished he’d known this before tying the knot. He’s Gerald Rogers, a motivational speaker in Utah. He wrote 20 tips for men on how to save a marriage.
“Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me a perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had”.
- Never Stop Courting. Never Stop Dating.
Don’t ever take that woman you love for granted. You promised to own her heart and to fiercely protect it when you asked her to marry you. This is the most special and sacred treasure you’ll ever be entrusted with. Don’t forget that, she chose you. So, don’t get lazy in your love.
- Protect Your Own Heart.
You should give the same care and be the guard to both of your hearts. Keep the most special place in your heart to your wife while loving yourself fully and loving the world openly. Open your heart always to receive and invite her in and don’t give anyone or anything else enter there.
- Fall In Love Over And Over Again.
We all constantly change. You are not the same person you were when you got married. Change will surely come in our lives. With the change happen in our life, we have to re-choose each other every day. She doesn’t have to stay with you. If you don’t love and care about her, she’ll give her heart to another or seal you out totally. You won’t be able to get her heart back, so, always love her as the way you did when you were courting her.
- Always See The Best In Her.
Always focus on what you love as it will expand. You’ll start seeing a reason to be bugged, if you focus on what bugs you. You’ll see only love around you if you focus on what you love. Focus on your love as to the point you’ll only see love. And always believe that you’re the luckiest man on earth to have this woman as your wife.
- It’s Not Your Job To Change Or Fixes Her.
She is with no expectation of her ever changing, so just love her. If in case she changed, become the one that she loves whether you like it or not.
- Take Full Accountability.
You have to take control of your emotions. Your wife doesn’t have to make you happy, or she even can’t make you sad. You have to find your own happiness and that’ll make you more into love.
- Never Blame Her If You Get Angry.
When you get angry or frustrated at her, never blame her, it’ll only trigger something inside you. You have to control your emotions. When you get angry, just look deep into you and realize what is inside you and try to heal. As she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way and heal them, you were attracted to this woman. You will no longer be triggered by her when you heal yourself. Then you will wonder why you ever were.
- Allow Your Woman To Just Be.
When she’s upset or sad just hold her and say its ok as it’s not your job to fix it. Give her the feeling that you hear her and she’s worthy and you can be with her at any time. The feminine spirit is always about change and emotion and they will roll in and out like a storm. When you are with her she’ll trust you and open her soul to you. When she’s upset, never run away. Stay strong by her side and listen to her words and emotions.
- Be Silly.
Always be simple without being damn seriously. Be happy and make her happy. Happiness makes everything easier.
- Fill Her Soul Every day.
She may have specific ways that she feels important and validated and cherished. Learn her love languages and memorize those things and remember it every day and make her happy.
- Be Present.
She doesn’t only need your time, she also want your focus, your attention and your soul. Empty your head and totally be with her. Treat her as a queen and make her feel more special.
- Don’t Be An Idiot.
Don’t be an idiot, but don’t be afraid to be one too. You both will make mistakes. But, make sure not to make big mistakes. Learn from the past mistakes. Anyone is not perfect, but don’t be too stupid.
- Be Willing To Take Her Sexuality.
If you want to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul, carry her away in the power of your masculine presence. She will know she can trust you fully if you let her melt into her feminine softness.
- Give Her Space.
Always a woman is very good in giving. She may sometimes need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. If you give her space to find what feeds her soul, she will come back with new songs to sing. Remind her to take time for herself, most importantly after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.
- Be Vulnerable.
You have to share your fears and feelings and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
- Be Fully Transplant.
You have to share everything if you want to have trust. Everything includes those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know if she will like what she finds. She’ll love completely in your darkness and even in light as a result of that courage. You will never experience the full dimension of what love can be if you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up that you’re perfect all the time. So, drop the mask.
- Never Stop Growing Together.
Always find common goals, dreams and vision to work towards. If you stop working on your relationship it will result badly to you.
- Don’t Worry About Money.
If you work together and find ways, you can win the money game. When you both fight you can go for it. Be together and leverage both persons strength to win.
- Forgive Immediately.
Always forgive immediately. Focus on the future instead of carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. You will hold your relationship back by holding onto past mistakes that either you or she made. If you forgive you’ll feel free.
- Always Chose Love.
If you always chose love through all your choices, you’ll surely have the happiness of your marriage. Remember that love will always endure.