Dear wife,
Here, I am writing this letter to tell you that I am leaving you forever. We have spent seven years of marriage and the truth is that I have been a good husband to you and I haven’t got anything from you for that.
It was really hard for me to spend these last couple weeks. I got to know the final straw; your boss told me that you left your job just today and that.
Two weeks ago, I had cooked your favorite dish, I had a brand new haircut and I had a new pair of boxers. But, when you came home after work, you didn’t even notice any of these.
You just ate for a couple of minutes; you watched all of your soaps and went straight to bed. I think that you don’t want to be intimate with me, and you don’t show your love in any way.
And the truth is you don’t love me anymore, or you are cheating on me, whatever the case, at
last
I have to say it is over and I’m leaving.
Your Ex-husband
P.S. Please, do not try to find me. Your sister Carla and I are moving to West Virginia together! Wish you the best and I hope you have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me or not I have to say that getting your letter really made my day. Yes, it is true that we have been married for seven years. But, a good husband is not like you.
This doesn’t seem to work so, I watch TV shows as the soaps drown out your nonstop griping and whining.
I noticed your brand new haircut but, I was raised not to say anything in case I cannot say something nice as the first thing that I thought was that you look like a girl. So, I decided not to speak about it or comment your haircut.
When you made my favorite dish, you’ve forgotten that I stopped consuming pork seven years ago and you have made my sister’s favorite dish.
When it comes to your new boxers, I didn’t comment since you still had the $49.80 price tag on them and I hoped that it was a coincidence that my lovely sister Carla had borrowed $50 from me the same day.
Even with this all, I still cared about you and loved you, and I believed that we might make this work. Suddenly, I got lotto for 15 million dollars, and I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii.
But, you were already gone when I got home. I guess there is a reason for everything. I genuinely hope that you will have the life you always desired.
As my lawyer said, the letter you sent me ensures that you won’t get a dime from what I got now. Only I have to say it to take care.
Your Ex-Wife, Free and Filthy Rich
P.S. I believe I haven’t told you this, but my lovely sister Carla was actually born as Carl. I hope that is no issue for you.